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| Kim Kenney BellaOnline’s Married No Kids Editor |
Some Parents Regret Having Kids
I am always dumbfounded when people continue to pressure people who don’t want children into having them. Why would they encourage someone who doesn’t want kids to bring a child into this world?
Dr. Phil recently did a show on women who “can’t stand being a mom.” Some of these women even let their children know that they regret having children. They were afraid of becoming abusive parents, they resented the time parenthood required, and they blamed their kids for their unhappiness. What a horrible environment to grow up in!
Of course, no child should be made to feel like they weren’t wanted. But immediately, I question why these women had children in the first place.
Could it be because society bombards us with the message that WOMEN MUST HAVE CHILDREN? And that there is something wrong with us if we don’t want to become a mother?
What if these women had realized, in advance, that they didn’t have to become a mother to have a meaningful life? What if they had found a support network like Married No Kids? Would they have had kids anyway if they realized they had a CHOICE?
Of course, there are those who truly did want children, and the reality of parenthood just wasn’t what they expected. I don’t know what to say about that. I know the reality I see in my friends’ households now, and I don’t want that to be MY reality – EVER!
If you’re on the fence about whether or not to have kids, then you absolutely shouldn’t have them. At least not right now.
You can always change your mind down the road if you decide you do want kids. But it’s a lot more difficult to admit after the fact that you don’t really want the kids you have. It isn’t fair to them, and you can’t change your mind once you’ve chosen that path.
3 Comments
Thanks for your post. We’ve been pressured to have kids since we got married, no one cared to ask if we wanted any. We didn’t then, and still don’t. We shouldn’t have to make up excuses. We just don’t want any!
Same exact sentiment here. We don’t want kids, yet are constantly pressured to have them from all directions. So glad to find this website!
I dropped out of high school to move with my boyfriend because he had nowhere to live and it was the worst mistake of my life because I got pregnant just a few weeks after moving with him and now I’m 19, my parents are supporting me, my boyfriend, and my baby, I have no high school diploma, I’m stuck in a relationship I don’t want to be in and have a baby I never wanted. I hate myself. I feel like the dumbest person in the world. The worst part is my daughter because I love her so much, I could never put her up for adoption, but if there were anything in the world I could do to go back and decide NOT to move with her father, I would do anything to take it back. She doesn’t deserve to grow up knowing how I feel about her because part of me hates her. She’s the most amazing little person in the world and I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I hate her for existing. I feel like she ruined my life. And it’s not like I had her because I wanted her and then changed my mind. I NEVER wanted children and, trust me, I am never having another one, the only reason she exists is because I felt pressured to make the decision to keep her. Her father told his mom minutes after we found out so I felt like I didn’t have time to make my own decision and was forced to make the decision to keep her. I wish I could stop loving her and give her up for adoption because I’m stuck right now and I’m blaming my 1 year old. I feel like a horrible person. How can somebody hate such an innocent little thing when all they’ve done is live. I hate myself even more because of how I feel about her. I need help.