I think I regret having my children I have no escape I am a prisoner in my own home I have no way fing solitude I am trapped. I secretly wish that someone would deam me unfit as a parent and take them I hate myself for this. I would never hurt them but I can’t even talk on the phone or use the restroom in peace there is no privacy my husband thinks that there is no reason to be away from the children I feel like am losing myself to there incessant whining and crying God please just kill me I am miserable I tell my husband and he blows me off I am not allowed to put them in daycare I can’t even clean my house without them huddling around me to complain that the other one is doing something wrong or the oldest bringing me the baby to hold when i am trying to get her to understand that she does not have to be stuck up my arse all the time am I insane for wishing my kids would dissappear for a day? I don’t get any respect in my own home the children run the house. I am here to serve them and clean up their huge messes. God, Please make it stop I see no light at the end of the tunnel.
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I have no sympathy for this woman. Children have always required a constant amount of attention; I wonder what she was expecting. I’m curious to know why she has more than one. Was the first kid a little easier to deal with so she thought it ok to have a few more? It seems as if she and her husband forgot to discuss what they expect from each other as parents prior to having kids. Like her husband, I am not an advocate of daycare. I believe they are your children and you should be the one to take care of them, not some paid worker. This is one of the many things they should have talked about before hand. And it is not the oldest child’s responcibility to take care of/help with the baby, it’s not hers.
Of course, we all require some down time and solitude, but she should have thought about that a little sooner than now.
I can think of many mitigating factors that would evoke tremendous sympathy in me for this person. Perhaps her expectations were unrealistic; 20/20 hindsight would be nice, but I’m not sure how one goes about procuring that. Maybe her husband made promises he wouldn’t or couldn’t keep. Maybe she’s afraid of going to hell if she uses birth control. Maybe they’re both young and inexperienced. Maybe she has emotional problems, or is mentally handicapped or deficient in some way, so that choices seemingly clear to us weren’t as clear to her. Maybe, maybe, maybe…
The bottom line is that she’s suffering for it, and most likely her children suffer as well, and I take no solace in believing that I’d have made better choices under her circumstances (I’ve fucked up now and again myself, I’m forced to admit).
Isaywhattheywont,
You are completely right. Her predicament could have come about from any number of reasons. Most of them may have been out of her control, so I understand her position, but I don’t pity her.
I absolutely adore kids, particularly babies, and it’s just unfair that they have to suffer because someone didn’t contemplate the what-ifs. Children didn’t JUST become time consuming, egotistical little tyrants; they have always been that way. Of course some are going to be easier than others, but this is something all would-be-parents know going in. Or least I thought so.
At one point in time, I wanted to be fruitful and multiply just like everyone else. I was convinced I’d have little philosophical, free-thinking toddlers who never pissed their pants and preferred Carl Sagan to Barney. Fortunately, I saw the light before I wandered into the darkness. But I could have been just like the Mom in question, luckily I wasn’t. So, I guess the view I hold now makes it hard for me to sympathize. Everything you mentioned, minus the hell thing, plays apart in my decision to not bring forth new life. Things don’t always work they way we might want to them to and in this situation, I wouldn’t be the only one who has to suffer for MY mistakes.
But I do understand where you are coming from.
I understand how she feels. Mine are grown and they did attend day care. They learned a great deal in day care, learning to socialize being one of them.
A day camp might be an alternative for this mom so that she can have some “me” time. We all need a little “me” time…from our husbands, family and work. I hope she makes the decision to grab the me time and send those kids to a day camp for a week or so. Then she can rejuvinate herself and be a better parent for it.
This mom needs some medication and counseling
Maybe I am the only one that feels like this but this situation just screams, “Boundry Issues”. Her husband walks on her, why not the kids? Have you ever seen that show Nanny 911??? I think that is the name. Get someone to come over and back you up while you lay out the ground rules. Give them all jobs and make them help you. Ever hear of a farmer having children that were farm hands??? If you don’t want to live like this do something about it. Stop being the door mat and start being the shoe.
I love kids, but my kid can be very difficult, so I can understand her frustration. It sounds like she is home with the kids all day. I think it would help to get out, have more playdates and chat with other mothers. Take parenting classes too. I am a strong supporter of attachment parenting. The more you nurture your children, the less clingy and demanding they will be.
I understand exactly how she feels! I had this romantic version of what I thought family life was going to be. I got pregnant right after my husband and I were married.He wasnt and still isn’t very into kids. He didn’t even really want them. I think its because he grew up with an alcohaulic for a father and his sister had 2 kids before she was 18 years old and the kids seemed to hold her back in life. Anyway we had our son and it was like a bomb exploding into our marriage.I lost my job and felt like such a failure.I gained weight and felt insecure about myself.Even still I wanted my son to have a sibling close in age so I got pregnant with our daughter. We fought and still fight all the time.About money,time,and most definetly about the kids. I was crushed to find out that I was pregnant again. We were already deep in debt and our marriage is not a marriage. I believe my husband is having an affair with a coworker, we bring up divorce constantly, and there is no money to our names.My husband would rather buy new video games and electronics than pay down our debt and spend time with the kids. I dont want people to pity me. I am just writing this so people wont make the same mistake as myself. I love my kids and still recommend having children, but choose a man who will also be a good father and a good spouse.
This is EXACTLY what I know would happen if I had a child! My husband wants to have a child but I know that I would be stuck with them 24/7 with absolutely NO help from him! He would just say:”who´s the mother here? You or me??” I already get no help with household jobs NOW without kids and that´s why I know I would NOT get any help from him THEN! My mother in law keeps asking when we´re going to have a baby but she doesn´t understand that in the country where we live in husbands usually help with childcare where as in the country where she lives in MOST woman have the help of their mother in laws or their mothers and that´s why men don´t help with anything because there are usually enough women in the house. So I certainly won´t give in and have a child and be trapped!!! I don´t like kids or babies. And if he wants a child he can make one with another woman! She can ruin her figure and her nerves but I won´t!