Another From The Onion

Ant Farm Teaches Children About Toil, Death
PASADENA, CA–Wonderco, a Pasadena-based educational-toy manufacturer, unveiled its new Playscovery Cove Ant Village Monday, touting the ant farm as a fun, interactive way to teach children ages 5 and up about unceasing, backbreaking toil and the cold, inescapable reality of death.
 
Enlarge Image Children learn about the cruel reality of [...]

It’s Funny, Cuz It’s True (Well, The Irony Is True, Anyway)

Doctors Find New Way To Prolong Meaningless Existence

March 25, 1998

 ITHACA, NY–In a stunning medical breakthrough, a team of Cornell University biogeneticists announced Tuesday that it has developed a revolutionary new synthetic hormone that retards the human aging process, enabling individuals to extend the churning, meaningless void known as life by upwards of 20 years.

 
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